++ jAnUaRy ++
Date : 20.01.03 12:14 pm
Mood : Hungry
Music : Utada Hikaru ~ COlors
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It's a sunny day, after a long rainy day yesterday. I haven't wrote in this
diary for ages. Probably suddenly i realised that i am too aimless.. and life
seems to be a little out of focus for me. Ah... Actually i dunno what to write.
That day i was reading a message, and sort of inspired me to think about
adulthood. What is adulthood? How and when do u know that you've reached adult
hood. Questions about adulthood sometimes blurred my vision. Being an adult
means that you are independent financially as well as emotionally independent.
If you are still depending very much on your parents for financial comfort as
well as their advices for making big decisions, you are still a teenager. I do
not mean that you should detach yourself completely from your parents, but at
least, do not make them worry for you over small little things & decisions.
Finance wise, actually to be honest, i myself is still relying on my parents.
But at least in terms of decisions wise, i think i am beginning to think like an
adult. My friends used to tell me that i am much more mature than the people of
my age. Is that good or bad? When you are much more mature, you tend to worry
about things that people of your age would not think about. Even so, sometimes
when you feel like there are too much burden to carry, you still go on trying to
act like you are okay, which in fact you may be hiding somewhere to cry each
night. Adulthood is unlike teenagehood, where it happens so fast and you just
don't know about it. Adulthood is a gradual process, which you will formulate
your thinking according to responsibilities. I believe that each and everyone
can be responsible, but to what extent are we willing to shoulder such
responsibility? An adult would recognize that they have to be responsible for
things but a teenager would not think this way. They are able to shoulder
responsibility, but does not understand and willing to do so. Such a difference
can produce lots of different results. Age is only an empty indicator. A person
who turns 21 may be considered as an adult by the law but he/she may not be
mature enough to handle the expectations of an adult. However, a person who may
be just 18, could be a mature thinker and is willing to accept more
responsibility than a 21-year old. This is the big difference, this is the thing
that differs a teenager from an adult.
I feel alot about these after i started working and associating with adults. I
discovered how different we are, and how different everyone is when it comes to
assuming responsibilities. But i know, i am on my way into becoming an adult. No
matter it is good or bad, i still have to step into the adult world which is so
feared.So to all my friends out there, think abt it and tell me what ya think
k??
Date: 10.01.03 5:07 pm
Mood : creative
Music : Utada Hikaru ~ Colors
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If you see a shadow in front of you
Would you stretch out your hand to touch it?
If you saw me in front of you
Would you run towards me and hug me?
The light that burst into darkness
do you know where is it's destination too?
The uncertainities in life
Makes it a little suspicious and mysterious ( i want to know )
This suspense is killing me now
So can you tell me what are you feeling right now?
So while i play hide and seek with you
Would you make the effort to search for me?
THe different scenarios that flash across my eyes
Does it means that everything has ended?
IF you are resistant towards changes
I will not force my ideas upon you
If your memories still evoke a special feeling in your heart
Would you just leave me alone here?
I can see the trees swaying when the wind blows
Is your love for me that weak too?
The place that i am standing right now
Seems to be a little too crowded
If you would notice it closely
You will see that it's just a dream (so unreal)
If you are planning to leave me eventually
Please do not give me false promises now
The blue sky that comprimises of many dreams
Will be the only comfort that i have right now
Thank god for this.. i can enter the Xin Yao Competition after trying so hard to
churn out a new song for nearly 2 wks.......
A level results are coming out soon. O levels would be out probably in these two
days. my results would most probably be out next wed or this sat. Strangely,
unlike O levels, i do not have nitemares weeks before the release. Let's hope it
isn't too bad.
Date : 05.01.03 10:08 pm
Mood : Calm
Music : Utada Hikaru ~ Movin' on without you
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When the sky starts to rain
There is an indescribable peaceful feeling in my heart
Watching the rain coming down from the sky
Seems to suggest that pain has disappeared
The moment when the rain and the land meets
It joins up the earth and sky
It had allowed two different things
To merge together
When i meet people who aren't like me
I will ponder how to interact with them
But why do we humans always want to please others
Even though we know very well how to we feel towards them
No matter it is a child or an adult
When we have a choice between complications and simplicity, we always choose
pain
Even though we know that it is wrong
We still pursue the "impossible"
Raising my head to look at the sky
I breathe in the feelings hidden in the air
This "hope" and "desire"
Gives us enormous courage to continue with life
I am a fighter
BEcause when i am pushed to the edge
I will use all my energy to defeat it
I will never bow to challenges
Stars
Lighting up my world
Date : 05.01.03 10:01 pm
Mood : Calm
Music :
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From now on.. i will express my thoughts in a form of poem as wat ppl would call
it.. There is nothing wrong with me honest.. so to all my friends out there, pls
do not worry for me.. i just want to tink deep into life....
Cheers!
Date: 01.01.03
Mood : Crappy
Music : Utada Hikaru ~ Deep River
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Holding my hand
I walked towards the future without any light
I know that there is no ending point on this road
But it does not mean tat i will not arrive in Heaven
A person's whole life
Just tingle between pain and happiness
But there won't be anything
that is able to push away all the pain
When i look back at the road that i have been thru
It was like watching a movie
The lead actress is me
But there are just too many supporting actors and actresses for me to count
In front of a mirror
I saw a person whose appearance is very alike me
She uses her eyes and look at me
But yet i felt scared and lonely
One's entire life
Consists of too many stories associated with love and hate
Behind every single story
I can see the pain and scars
WHo am I??
As time passes
I find it more difficult to understand myself
It's like I am lost right now
What should i do to find back myself????